With Arms Wide Open: James
by Meum Cerebrum Nocet
Summary: The birth of your first child is life-changing. For James Potter, it was the final push he needed to fully mature. LJ.


_**Summary:**__ LJ. The birth of your first child is life-changing. For James Potter, it was the final push he needed to fully mature._

_**A/N: **__For father's day! I'm the biggest daddy's girl, so I wrote this in honour of my dad! A countdown to Sunday, starting five days away, so look for five oneshots in the next five days and do something extra special for your dad because he's (most likely) done piles and piles for you :P_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own nothing :P_

* * *

><p><strong>With Arms Wide Open<strong>

**James**

* * *

><p><em>Well I don't know if I'm ready<br>To be the man I have to be_

_~With Arms Wide Open – Creed_

* * *

><p>James was sitting in his small two-bedroom flat, reading the muggle paper. Lately, the Daily Prophet had become too morbid for a nearly peaceful Sunday morning. James enjoyed the muggle paper because it gave him pleasant stories of human triumph to read. All wizarding press had been consumed by the war. Spewing death rates. Reading lists of missing and presumed dead. Speculating about the enemy's next move. Speculating about Dumbledore's next move. Speculating about when the war would end. Advising the public on safety procedures. Everything was about the war. James wanted to hear about something that was the polar opposite of war. Thus, he had nicked his neighbour's paper.<p>

Finally, at nine fifteen in the morning, he put down his paper and strained his ears for the sound of approaching footsteps. Lily, his newly wedded wife, had been feeling under the weather lately and had made an appointment to see a healer that morning. She had assured James that it wasn't anything serious and that the visit shouldn't take more than an hour. Calculating in travel times and the chattiness of that particular healer, James figured Lily should be home between nine fifteen and nine thirty.

He had been very preoccupied that morning, worrying about Lily's wellbeing and if she would get to St. Mungo's safely. James had insisted on going himself, but had been shot down by Lily saying that someone needed to be home to let her in later. James had asked Sirius to go with her instead. Now, James trusted Sirius with his life, but he would have felt better about the entire situation if he could have gone with her. He had been on edge since the pair had exited through the front door and begun the walk to St. Mungo's.

Lily had originally planned to Apparate to the magical hospital, but an overly concerned James had suggested that if she was feeling sick enough to warrant a visit to the hospital, she probably wasn't in a state to Apparate. So they walked.

Finally, after straining his ears –and wishing he had Padfoot's dog ears to help- for nearly twenty minutes, James was able to catch muffled voices that he instantly recognized as his wife and his best friend. The dark haired nineteen-year-old did not wait for them to come through the door. Instead he jumped up from his seat and rushed through the small hallway until he stood on one side of the barrier.

Seconds later there was a soft knock followed by an even softer muttered password and James flung the door open and drew his petite redheaded wife in to a tight embrace. "Is everything ok, Lil?" he asked hurriedly, taking a step back to survey the woman in his arms. She didn't look pale or clammy or flushed. Pressing a hand to her forehead, James was unable to detect any fever. Her eyes weren't glassed over and she seemed very alert. If he hadn't known that she had just come back from the healer's, James wouldn't have even guessed she wasn't feeling well.

"Better than ok," Lily replied airily as she removed herself from James' arms and made her way into the flat, depositing her traveling cloak on the stand by the door as she went. James was taken aback by Lily's lack of forthcoming information. He was sure that she would have something to tell him; she had just been to St. Mungo's! He looked at Sirius who had a similar look on his face. Obviously Lily had kept him just as much in the dark during their walk back.

The two friends followed the small rosette into the undersized abode and found her busying herself with tea in the kitchen. James stood and watched her for a moment before becoming irritated.

"Lily darling," he called, halting her work, "do you have something you wish to share with me? How was the healer? Did she say anything about why you've been feeling sick?"

Lily bit her lower lip and repressed a smile from crossing her pink lips. If she was smiling that meant the news was good. She wasn't dying from some rare disease or anything like that. It was likely just a muggle flu. She had just come back from visiting with some friends from her childhood neighbourhood. Who knew what foreign, muggle diseases they carried? Yes, that was it, just a commonplace illness that she would quickly recover from.

James relaxed slightly, but was still on edge because of her lack of explanation. "You might want to take a seat before I tell you. I know I was sure surprised when the healer told me…" Lily trailed off as she waited for James and Sirius to take a seat. James sat down on their large armchair and motioned for Lily to join him on his lap. Sirius took a spot on the nearby couch. Lily took a moment to find a comfortable spot atop James and then spoke three words James was sure he wouldn't have to hear for at least a few more years.

"James," Lily began hesitantly, causing the fear and anxiety that had crippled James that morning to creep back in, "I'm pregnant."

Whatever cheerful or shocked words Sirius began spewing at that moment were completely lost to James as he slipped into a state of panic. He remembered Sirius saying something congratulatory and whipping Lily around in a cheerful embrace, but other than that, James missed most of their next interactions.

He was busy repeating the same words over and over again. 'I'm not ready for this. I'm only nineteen, barely out of school. I won't be a good role model. I was such a jokester in school; I never took my work seriously. I also hexed a lot of people. What if this baby acts just like me? Won't I be a hypocrite if I tell him to work hard and not joke around? I don't have a job or plans to have a job. We live in a tiny flat that is scarcely big enough for the two of us. How can we fit a baby into this? I'm not ready for this.'

Thought after thought. Insecurity after insecurity. Question after question. There was no stopping the internal monologue gripping James at that moment. He was definitely not ready to be a father. He hadn't completely finished maturing himself. Sure he had progressed leaps and bounds since the end of fifth year when he hung Snape upside down and threatened to take off his pants and wash his mouth out with soap. For one, he had stopped antagonising people without justification. But he still wasn't done maturing. He wasn't adult enough for a baby.

Lily seemed to realise the internal struggle gripping James at that moment for she detached herself from her conversation with Sirius and came back to sit on James' lap. She gently placed her smooth palm on the side of his cheek and guided his drooping head to her shimmering emerald eyes.

"If it counts for anything, I didn't think I could handle this baby at first. However, I began thinking about everything I've accomplished up to this point and came to the realisation that I'm pretty well equipped to deal with whatever this baby throws at me. After all, I kept most of Gryffindor House in line for nearly three years. And if there are things I still don't feel secure in, we've got nine months to perfect them. Everything will work out in the end. And, for the record, I think you'll make a great dad." Finishing her speech, Lily took a moment to gauge his expression, trying to discern if James was buying some of what she said. Obviously finding at least a portion of what she had been searching for, Lily bent down and lightly kissed James.

He had taken in some of her words, but it wasn't until her lips touched his that his worries seemed to be brushed aside by clarity. He would have time to learn everything he needed. He may not have had his parents anymore, but he could ask Lupin's or Peter's dad for advice. He could talk to Dumbledore about what important qualities he should instil in his son. There were a lot of people at his side that he could turn to for advice. And he had Lily.

He wasn't alone. He could do this.

* * *

><p><em>The End<em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **__Look for Remus' tale of new fatherhood tomorrow! And review this :P tell me what you thought and whatnot :P_


End file.
